20

As a kid during Chinese New Year, I always divided the family members into 2 groups: kids and adults. Kids were the ones that the adults never took seriously in a conversation, they were the ones that hang around with you doing fun stuff instead of sitting around chatting, drinking and watching tv like the adults.

Every kid probably wondered when he or she will become an adult. When will anything you say, your opinion, begin to matter? When will you be able to do adults stuff, like drive cars, have loads of money, not having to listen to people tell you to do things...

I always thought of it as a cut-off point at a certain age, and I often wondered what age it was. Hmm.. So kids graduate from high school at 17.. and there are people starting to work after high school, so they should be adults.. there are no smoking signs that say you can smoke when you're 18, so is it 18? Well I didn't really know why, but I sort of settled on 20 as the adult age. Maybe it is because 20 is the first 2-digit number that starts with a 2, I don't know.

So here I am. It's my 20th birthday today, and I don't feel much more adult then I did yesterday, or the day before that, or the day before that, or the day before that. I still feel insecure, still feel vulnerable, still feel lack of confidence, still doubt myself sometimes. Worst of all, I still have to do what I want to do, and still people don't really care what I say. Well, maybe all these things don't just go away as you grow up, maybe no matter how old one is, one will always feel a hint of doubt here and there, and one always has to listen to what people tell you to (or society), or that people don't really care what you have to say unless it's similar to their opinion anyway. Maybe all these is just part of being human.

Or maybe the real cut-off age is 21.. that's the legal age to vote right?